Often times, we find ourselves in emotional ruts when it comes to dating.
Maybe you’ve had bad relationships in the past or simply haven’t had any proper relationships at all. Regardless, it can all leave a bad taste in your mouth, and this leads to much more significant problems regarding dating.
Given past issues, you might have developed some negative beliefs about dating which will end up inhibiting your ability to find the good people who are out there. These issues and beliefs are different for everyone, but if they’re negative, they will almost always make you less likely to find your soulmate.
Beliefs which will stop you from finding your soulmate
One such belief might be that you’re not good enough. If you’ve never had a significant relationship – or you were in an abusive one in the past – you might start to turn on yourself and become depressed, blaming yourself for not being good enough to be someone else’s soulmate.
In reality, this is typically not true. Although personal problems can get in the way of a good relationship (and should be solved), it’s very disempowering to think this way. If you maintain this mindset, you’ll find yourself giving up quicker than you should.
Another belief that you can develop is that there are no good people left out there. Contrary to the previous belief, this one projects a negative opinion on others rather than yourself.
This is just as dangerous as the previously-mentioned belief because if you think in this way, you’ll be quick to jump on every flaw you find in a person, no matter how small, in order to confirm your own beliefs.
This is not only a self-sabotaging way of thinking, but it also drastically decreases your chances of finding someone that you’re happy with.
It’s one thing to be vigilant in the aftermath of a toxic relationship, but you don’t want to make the mistake of believing that everyone on the planet is an abuser or a manipulator.
No matter which belief or mindset it is that you’ve taken on, they can all be defined under one blanket term: negative thinking.
Negative thinking only acts as a hurdle that you have to maneuver around. In order to be successful in your search for a soulmate, you’ll want to get rid of this kind of mindset.
There are a few steps that you can take to make yourself think more positively. For example, if you have the issue of thinking that there’s nobody good enough left, always looking for their cons, switch to thinking about their pros, such as things that they’re good at or positive parts of their personality.
5 Ways to Turn Around Negative Thinking
The most unfortunate thing about negative thinking is that your fears often become self-fulfilling prophecies.
On the other hand, when you take action to become more confident in yourself, more things in your life automatically turn out better as well. With more positive thinking, your decision-making skills are strengthened, others are drawn to you in social situations, you’ll have a better chance of finding your soul mate, and you’re better able to create the life you desire.
Try these strategies to silence the inner critic inside of you and think more positively:
- Stop and think. Reflect on why you’re experiencing feelings of doubt. Think about the events that caused you to feel insecure. Being faced with a challenge that you don’t feel you’re capable of successfully completing is a major cause for self-doubt.
- Do you have a habit of putting yourself down? You may be subconsciously repeating negative thoughts that prevent you from moving forward. Such thoughts as “I can’t do this” and “I’m not good enough” become reasons to opt out of new experiences that could bring you many benefits.
- The next time you have a negative thought, take a few moments to think about why you believe this is true. If insecurities are getting the better of you because of past failures, you must resolve to live in the moment. Today is a new day!
- Replace your negative self-talk with positive thoughts about how you can do it and you are good enough. Make the switch each and every time you have a self-doubting thought. Soon you’ll automatically be singing your praises instead of your doubts.
- Practice self-understanding. Often, when you feel insecure about your abilities, you start berating yourself. Beating yourself up over something you feel you did wrong only leads to a cycle of frustration and procrastination. Realize that making mistakes doesn’t make you a bad or incompetent person – it simply makes you human.
- Allow yourself to accept that while you’re not perfect, you’re certainly someone who always strives to do the very best job you can. Embrace the idea that every challenge in life is an opportunity for you to learn something new and grow as a person.
- Make a list. Take a blank sheet of paper and make two columns. On the left side, write down all of those doubtful thoughts you’re having about yourself and about life right now. On the right side, list all of the positive facts that dispute your doubts.
- For example, suppose you’ve been assigned a new task at work that you’ve never done before, and you immediately become negative because you feel your skills aren’t adequate. On the left side of the list write “I can’t do this because I don’t have the skills.” On the right side of the page write “I was given this task because I’m a quick learner who always gets the job done.”
- You’ll find that you have a lot more positive facts listed than doubts. If your positive list is short, keep searching through your talents and good qualities (yes – they are there) until your positive list outweighs your negative one.
- Write a letter. Write a letter to yourself that talks about your positive traits and how you’ve overcome obstacles in the past. If you can recall a specific time when you triumphed over self-doubt and accomplished something that makes you feel proud, tell this to yourself in the form of a story.
- The act of writing the letter will release all of those pent-up insecurities that are spinning around inside of your mind. By the end of the letter, you should be feeling a lot better. Keep the letter in a brightly colored folder, so you can refer back to it when needed.
- Make an appreciation folder. Keep track of those kind words of appreciation you receive from others. When you’re experiencing negative thinking, it’s easy to forget about all of those wonderful comments you’ve received for doing things that made other people’s lives better in some way. Collect all of the emails, notes, and cards that say kind and loving things about you.
- When you feel the voice of your inner critic welling up inside of you, simply take out your appreciation folder and read those wonderful thoughts.
Negative thinking can rob you of the opportunity to create space to find your soul mate. While it’s very common to doubt yourself once in a while, you want to be able to easily let go of your inner critic when it pops up. Practicing the steps above will enable you to push through your negative thinking, boost your confidence, and clear the way for positive new experiences and relationships.